Hidden Scars
by pampongchamp
Summary: So many times she had wished it would happen, but now that it has...she might not be able to handle it. Ch.10: a session of grief counseling might just be too much for Paige
1. Just Another Day

A/N: hey, welcome to my first attempt at a Degrassi fanfic, I usually write 7th Heaven stories, so to all my7h readers who got this author alert and have no idea what Degrassi is, I will still love you if you don't read this J.

This takes place around the end of season three, towards the end of the school year

Ok enjoy!

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Paige leaned against the desk with her hand under her chin, she looked at the clock. Thankfully school would be out in three minutes, any longer and she might have died. The guy who had been substituting for Mr. Simpson couldn't have been more boring.

After what seemed like an extremely long three minutes the bell rang. She quickly gathered up her books and scurried to her locker. It had been an extremely long week and it was still only Thursday. But school was over in two weeks so the work was coming in and everyone's train of thought was going out.

She was so tired she barely even noticed when Hazel leaned up against the locker next to hers and began rattling on about something Jimmy said at lunch. She just let Hazel talk as they walked out of the school.

When they walked down the steps they found Spinner and Jimmy sitting on the bottom step. Hazel leapt off the steps and into Jimmy's arms and they lost themselves in their own little world. Paige was still standing on the steps staring into space. Spinner stood in front of her, "How come I don't get a greeting like Jimmy's" he smiled

She didn't even see him

He started waving his hands in front of her face, "Paaaige" he said trying to bring her back to life.

She finally snapped out of it, "hey hun, sorry" she smiled and gave him a quick kiss

He put his arm around her and they started walking towards home, "you ok?" he asked

"Yeah yeah, i'm fine" she told him, "I'm just really tired, I couldn't sleep last night"

He looked at her concerned, "nightmares again?"

She nodded, Paige had stopped having nightmares months ago, but all the sudden they came back out of nowhere.

"Maybe you should tell Ms.Souvez" he suggested, "when was the last time you saw her?"

"Awhile, but it's ok." She said, not wanting to bring any of this up now, "I'm just stressed over school, they'll go away. It's no big deal" she assured him

When they arrived at Paige's doorstep Spinner pulled her in for a tight hug and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Try and get some sleep tonight ok hun?"

She nodded and went inside. She barely stayed awake through dinner and Dylan tried to help her with her homework. But ultimately she decided despite everything that needed to be done, she had to get some sleep.

After changing into her pajamas she slipped under her covers. She was so tired but she was afraid to sleep, she knew that the second she closed her eyes he would be there

Waiting for her

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I know it's a lil plotless and maybe confusing, but it's going somewhere I promise

I would really love to get a review and see what you think!!


	2. Study Break

A/N: Oh boy new chap time! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, you guys are the greatest! I fixed the spelling of ms. Souvez's name, that's such a crazy name so I just took a stab at spelling it, but thanks for pointing it out

Someone asked if the title was from the Lillix song "Dirty Sunshine" and yes it is. If you know the song, this story doesn't really fit the song lyrics wise, I just thought the title would go along nicely

Ok, chapter two!

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"Ok that's it dude, I give up" Spinner said throwing the huge textbook onto Jimmy's coffee table.

Jimmy shook his head, "I don't think so" he picked it back up and shoved it into Spinner's chest, "midterms are in three days, and neither of us are ready"

Spinner sighed and picked up his pencil, he leaned against the couch and stuck the pencil in his mouth as he stared blankly at the page in front of him.

A few minutes later Spinner felt himself nodding off, the information just wasn't sinking in, it was just like it went to his brain, but got stuck somewhere before he could process it. Just before he arrived in dreamland the doorbell rang.

He flew off the couch sending his books and papers flying in all directions, he jumped over the table and almost tripped as he grabbed the doorknob and flung the door open. Paige was standing there with a huge smile on her face and some fast food bags.

"I thought you boys might be tired from all the studying that you probably aren't doing" she laughed

Spinner leaned forward to kiss her, "Thank you honey, that was so sweet of you"

"You're so welcome" she said throwing her arms around his neck. She giggled as spinner placed tiny kisses on her neck.

He put his cheek right against hers, "how'd you sleep last night?" he asked quietly

She moved so her forehead was touching his, she looked straight into his eyes and smiled. "Wonderfully" she lied. She hated being dishonest with him, but it was Friday and school was making her crazy. She didn't need to spend her night having him worrying about her.

Sure, it was great that Spinner cared. She was so grateful to have him the past year to take care of her. But tonight she didn't want anyone asking her if she was okay, or telling her to go home. She just wanted to have a good time.

Jimmy couldn't stand the mumbling and smooching sounds coming from his doorway, he slammed his book shut and groaned loudly.

Paige broke away from Spinner and put the bags on the counter, "wow, nice to see you too Jimmy" she rolled her eyes

"I'm sorry," he said getting up, "hello Paige, how are you? Thanks for dinner"

"That's better" she smiled, Paige sat down on the couch and started thumbing through the papers on the table, "so what is it you guys are 'studying' this evening?"

"The science final" Spinner said joining her on the couch, "have you started on it yet?" he asked her

"Oh yeah, Dylan helped me last night, what part are you having trouble with?"

Spinner started flipping to the pages when Jimmy interrupted, "hey Paige, do you know what time Haze gets off tonight?"

Paige bit her lip, "um I think 8 or 9, I don't remember"

Hazel's neighbor was a nurse and she had gotten her a job at the hospital as a candy striper. She'd never really thought about a career in medicine, but the money was pretty good, and she really liked the people there.

He glanced at the clock, it was 7:54 "Well when she gets off I think I might call her and she could join us" he said stuffing French fries into his mouth.

Before anyone could say anything Paige's phone started ringing. She reached into her back pocket and pulled it out, Hazel's name was flashing across the screen. She smiled, "speak of the devil" she answered it, "hey girl we were just talking about you"

"Oh you were?" she asked curiously

"Well i'm over at Jimmy's with Spin and he was getting lonely so he wanted you to join us" from the kitchen Jimmy was throwing fries at her

"You wanna come to the hospital and pick me up? I got off an hour early and my mom's in-." before she could finish Paige interrupted her

"Sure I'll be there in 10 minutes"

"Ok, I'll be on the Emergency side"

Paige hung up and jumped off the couch, she grabbed her keys out of her purse. "I'm going to get Haze, I'll be back in a few" she called shutting the door behind her.

She scampered down the hallway and down the stairs of Jimmy's apartment building. She laughed when she realized she was skipping towards the car. She smiled as she hopped in the convertible that Dylan had so graciously let her borrow for the night. She was actually looking forward to a night in with her favorite people in the world.

Not ten minutes later Paige pulled into the hospital parking lot and turned into the drive that led to the emergency room. She found a space close to the building and hopped out of the car. She saw Hazel leaning against the wall under the glowing red letters, the G that was right above her head was flickering.

"Hey hun" she said walking over to hug her, "how was your day?"

Hazel groaned, "ugh, awful. We've had people in and out of here all day. I have no idea how many times I changed the sheets on the same 4 beds. But I did get to go see Terri on my break, she said she might get to go home in a week or two"

"That's good" Paige said, "I wouldn't want to be stuck in this place all summer"

"Well I will be" Hazel rolled her eyes, "we need to go shopping when I get my paycheck, then I can remember why this is even worth it"

They turned to walk towards the car and just then an ambulance pulled in, sirens blaring.

"Uh-oh," Hazel said, "we better get out of the way" she grabbed Paige's arm and pulled her out of the doorway.

They stayed to watch of course, Paige never really liked blood, she was afraid of what she might see come out of the ambulance, but for some reason, they just had to watch.

The paramedics burst out of the back doors and started lowering the stretcher to the ground. The person on it was bloody and mangled, most likely a car accident. Paige flinched and looked away when she first saw him, and clutched Hazel's hand to keep her from screaming, but she quickly turned back around

She recognized that face…

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I'm sorry, cliffhangers are terrible, but this was getting long and the next part needs to be its own chapter

Review and I might tell you who was in the ambulance . . .


	3. On It's Ear

A/N: thanks to all my wonderful reviewers, you guys have been really great at making me feel welcome in the Degrassi neck of the woods.

Sorry bout the cliffhanger, they are a necessary evil…

So you can let go now…

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or any of its characters

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Paige and Hazel sat in the corner of the Emergency room. Paige was rapping her nails on the plastic arms of the chair.

Hazel sighed loudly, "Paige, can we please just go back to Jimmy's? I don't know why we have to sit here all night, why do you care so much?"

Paige didn't even look at her, she just stared straight ahead, "Hazel, I have to know what happens to him" she shifted her eyes to the floor, "can't you ask someone? You do work here"

"Paige, I change pillowcases and bring people juice and pop tarts, I have no power whatsoever."

Paige leaned her head against the wall, she thought about what Hazel had said, why did she care? There was no point in them staying, she could never get any information. She should just get in her car and go see her boyfriend

Pretend like she didn't see him

Pretend she didn't see the lifelessness in his eyes. The blood and dirt that was caked on his face. Her stomach sank when she remembered how his eyes had shifted, and he saw her.

She knew he saw her

Just then a woman burst loudly into the room, shaking Paige from her thoughts.

"Where is he?" she screamed, "where's my baby?!" a nurse came out from behind the counter, she put her hands on the woman's shoulders and tried to calm her

"It's ok ma'am," she said sweetly, "who are you looking for?"

The woman had gone into hysterics, "my son! They called me and told me he was in an accident! I need to see him"

The nurse was being extremely patient as the woman continued to cry and ramble for a few more minutes, when she finally started to calm down a little she asked, "ok ma'am I can't tell you where your son is until you tell me his name"

She wiped her tears and looked up at the nurse, " Dean, Dean Roberts"

Paige looked over at Hazel, they had to stay now. They had their way of getting information.

Dean's mother had been taken into the back probably to see Dean, now they were the only people in the waiting room. The nurse at the front desk looked up from her papers, "Hazel, what are you and your friend still doing here?"

The girls looked up at her, but didn't say anything

"Is it about that boy that just got brought in? Do you know him?"

Paige looked down at her wrist and started spinning her watch around, "yeah, I guess you could say that"

Forty minutes later they hadn't moved from their chairs, Hazel looked at Paige, she had her hands folded in her lap and she was watching Dean's mother pace around the room. She was trying to understand why Paige even wanted to be here, it just didn't make sense to her. After all he had put her through she was sitting in an emergency room waiting to see how he was.

A doctor walked into the waiting room and Dean's mother looked up with the most frightened look in her eyes. He came up to the chair where she sat and kneeled in front of it.

Paige listened carefully to what he was telling her, she couldn't make most of it out. But she did catch one sentence, "he didn't make it"

The room started to spin, Paige swallowed hard. Dean's mother let out the most heartbreaking scream she had ever heard. Paige jumped out of her chair and tried her best to breathe

"I think i'm going to be sick"

Paige and Hazel sat on the cold tile floor in the bathroom. Paige was hugging her knees and crying quietly, Hazel had her arms around her friend. They had been in there awhile, but no one had anything to say.

Paige's mind was swirling out of control, so many thoughts and mixed emotions. Late at night when she would wake up screaming, his face burned on her brain. She would search the room for him, under the bed, in the closet, while hot tears ran down her face. She would climb back in bed and pray that he would die the most horrible death imaginable for doing this to her.

And now, she felt guilty

For the first time in hours Dean left her mind, and she remembered the one person who ever made her feel better. The person who made her feel like she was worth anything after Dean had caused her to feel like she was nothing. She looked up at Hazel and wiped her tears, "I need Spinner"

Hazel helped her up off the floor and they made their way to the parking lot. Paige was shaking when she put the key in the ignition, "are you sure you can drive?" Hazel asked worried

Paige nodded, "yeah, i'm fine"

Hazel sat back; she was really worried about Paige. This wasn't fair, everything was fine, life was back to normal. But it looked like their world as they knew it had just been turned upside down.

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I don't remember who it was, but someone used the actor who plays Dean's last name since they never gave him one. I wasn't trying to steal anything, I just liked the way it sounded…if it is a problem I can definitely change it

I'm not sure I like how I executed this chapter; let me know if you think I should be executed…        


	4. A Little Spring Cleaning

A/N: thanks to my wandering imagination and my Dawson's Creek DVD's I have a complete concept for this story! Woo hoo! I might change the title, so just letting everyone know before they get confused

Thanks a million for filling my inbox with words like, "love" and "wonderful" it's always better than, "terrible" and "you suck" it makes me very very happy to know that you guys like this

Oh boy! next chapter….

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Hazel didn't even bother to knock on the door to Jimmy's; she just opened it, Paige following close behind her.

Spinner and Jimmy both jumped off the couch looking very worried. "Where have you been?" Spinner asked, "I called your cell phone like a million-" he stopped when he saw Paige's face from over Hazel's shoulder, "honeybee? What's wrong?"

In an instant Paige went from teary to a full on break down, she ran out from her hiding place behind Hazel and straight into Spinner's arms. He wrapped his arms around her and she sobbed into his shirt, he looked up at Hazel who was clutching Jimmy's arm. From the look on her face he could tell something very bad had happened that night.

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"Spin, I promise, i'm going to be just fine, I was just a little shocked I guess." Paige said into the phone while next to her Hazel was sprawled out on the bed thumbing through a magazine, "last night was rough, but today me and Haze are gonna go shopping or something"

"Ok good" Spinner told her, "call me tonight if you want to do anything ok?"

Paige smiled, "yeah I will"

"Have a good day"

"Bye Hun," just as Paige had hung up the phone there was a knock on the door, "come in!" she called

Her mother popped her head in the door, "good morning girls" she smiled, looked around the room and lowered her eyes at Paige, she said something in Russian, raised her eyebrows and left the room.

Hazel looked at Paige, "what did she say?"

"I have to clean my room or I'm not going anywhere" Paige sighed and rolled her eyes, "sorry Haze, I know you wanted to shop, but look at this place" she turned around to see Hazel picking up clothes off the floor. "Hazel, you already stayed with me last night, and you don't have to clean my room"

Hazel looked up at her, "Paige, the sooner we get this done, the sooner I can get to those shoes I saw last weekend"

Paige smiled, "good point" and she joined her on the floor to try and get her room picked up as fast as possible.

Twenty-five minutes later they were sitting cross-legged on the side of Paige's bed laughing at a stack of pictures from elementary school, "aww, look at Ashley!" Hazel said pointing to a picture

Paige leaned over to see it, "eww, look at our leggings! Why did we let our parents dress us?" she laughed and looked at the bigger pile of stuff that now surrounded them, "I have no idea when the last time I cleaned under my bed was"

Hazel reached under looking for more treasure, and she pulled out a dusty wood frame. "Oh my gosh, classic family portrait!" she said. She looked over the photo carefully. Paige's mom, with her poofy 80's hair was standing behind Dylan who was in a little blue suit and smiling widely although he was missing his front teeth. A 5 year-old Paige was next to him in a frilly pink dress with a huge bow in her hair. Sitting on the right of Paige was a man with dark hair and a moustache, Hazel looked up at Paige, "is that your dad?" she asked, Paige just nodded. Hazel looked back at the picture, on her dad's lap was a little blonde boy with an enormous smile, he couldn't have been more than two, and Hazel had never seen him before.

Before Hazel had the chance to ask who he was Paige answered her, "that's my brother Nick, he lives with my dad"

Hazel just nodded and set the picture in the pile of things they had unearthed from Paige's bed. She didn't want to ask any more questions, it had to be rough on Paige, having her parents divorced. Her step-dad was cool, from what she saw of him, but he wasn't around very much.

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Around eight Paige walked up her front steps after a night at the movies with Hazel, Jimmy, and Spinner. She never got to go shopping since it took her almost all day to clean up her disaster of a room. She walked in the door to find like everyone in the house running around.

Her step dad sprinted down the stairs, "Anya!" he called, "where is my nice green shirt?"

"It's in the laundry room!" her mother called from the kitchen.

Paige followed her mother's voice, she walked into the kitchen, "umm, what's going on?"

"Dimitri has a meeting in Ottawa, and I am going with him"

Paige grabbed a cookie out of the pantry, "cool, home alone for the weekend!" she started to head up to her room

"No, sorry" her mother said, "you're going to your father's house"

She whipped around, "What? Why?"

"He wanted to see you, and I don't need you having any parties when I am gone"

"Mom please, no!" she begged, "I won't have any parties I promise!"

"Paige, two days with your father will not kill you"

Paige rolled her eyes, "you don't know that"

Her mother folded her arms, "I was married to your father for eleven years, and I lived" Paige huffed and her mother smiled, "almost"

Paige tried not to laugh because she was going to win this argument, but a smile crept over her lips, she was defeated.

"Go upstairs and pack, you're getting on the train to Pembroke first thing in the morning"

Paige got to her room and threw some clothes in a backpack. This was totally unfair; she had no idea how long her parents had been planning this. They probably waited so long to tell her so that it would be too late to argue.

She took a shower and got into her pajamas, she walked into her bedroom and when she passed the mirror on her dresser she stopped. She looked horrible, her eyes were all red from crying, she looked tired and worn-down. But she was Paige Michalchuk, the most popular girl at Degrassi. And no matter how much she was hurting, she wasn't allowed to show it.

She picked up her hairbrush and started running it through her wet hair. In the mirror she saw a figure leaning against the window, Dean. She gasped and turned around quickly, no one was there.

This was going to be harder than she thought

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Wow, that turned out to be much longer than I thought it would be. I'm sure you guys are a little bit confused on either what is going on or where this is going, but I promise it will work itself out.

Concerning Paige's mother, she does have a Ukrainian accent as far as I know from Paige's impression of her in "I Want Candy" but i'm not going to write her dialogue out with an accent, cuz I think it would be cheesy and annoying, so you can imagine her accent in your mind.

Review, it makes me so so sooo happy! :)


	5. Feels Like Home

A/N: hey everyone thanks as always for your reviews! I realize this story is kind of moving in a different direction…well at least it looks that way

This chapter is where you will see where exactly this is going…aren't you excited?

I know you are, so read! Now!!

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"Paige! It's time to go!"

She groaned and picked up her bag. She huffed down the stairs and saw Dylan sitting on the couch in his pajamas, shoveling cereal in his mouth as he stared at the TV. She stopped dead in her tracks and screamed, "Mooomm!"

Her mother came running out of her bedroom, "what? What is it?"

Paige folded her arms, "Dylan isn't going?!"

She shook her head, "no, he has hockey practice tomorrow"

"Then i'm not going," she said flatly

Her mother went up the stairs and grabbed Paige's shoulders from behind and started pushing her down the stairs. She gave Dylan a few reminders and blew him a kiss as she and Paige made their way to the door. Just before she shut it Paige shot a horrible glare at her brother, who just laughed as he leaned back on the couch.

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Paige sat on the train, trying her best to be positive. It was only two days; it couldn't be that bad…could it?

She flipped through the last few pages of her magazine, and then looked at her watch, they weren't even close to Pembroke. She looked around at the other passengers to try and entertain herself. A woman across the aisle had three kids in the seats around her and a baby in her lap who was whining and pulling at her hair, she looked exhausted. There were twin boys that were smacking each other, a girl who was pouting, and an older boy who was trying to corral the twins. Traveling with five kids by herself, was she nuts?  She started wondering if she was going to meet her husband, or maybe he had left her, that's why she was alone. She found herself getting angry with this person that she had just imagined for leaving this poor woman. It wasn't fair of him to abandon his family.

Her eyes wandered to a guy standing up in the aisle, he was reaching up for a suitcase that was stored in the overhead compartment. He had short brown hair and a nice build; from behind he looked just like… …She saw a tattoo on his forearm and she froze, she tried her best to breathe. He turned and she saw that it wasn't Dean, just a guy with a goatee and glasses. He came back up the aisle, suitcase in hand and sat in the seat with the woman and all the kids. The little girl jumped on his lap and he reached in the bag and pulled out a teddy bear. She smiled and hugged his neck.

Despite her protective wall that was almost always raised, Paige wasn't handling any of this well. She never could deal with her dad…but no one had ever really given her a chance to. He wasn't a subject that came up often in her household, and when he was…the subject quickly changed. After seven years none of them had forgiven him.

The Dean situation was killing her, although she acted like it wasn't. But how was she supposed to tell Spinner, or anyone about how the death of her rapist was making her feel. She was seeing his face everywhere. It was completely unfair; he was ruling her life again, even in death.

She closed her eyes, and tried to sleep. Or at least turn her brain off for a while. She leaned against the window and quickly slipped into a dreamless sleep.

A little while later she was awoken when someone tapped her shoulder. She turned to see the man she had mistaken for Dean, he told her that the train had reached its stop. She smiled politely and thanked him and hurried off the train.

She stepped off onto the platform and quickly scanned the crowd for her dad. She didn't see him at first so she decided to walk around a bit. After a while the crowd started to disperse and Paige started to get a little aggravated.

It had been an hour since she got off her train, and still no sign of her dad. She had seen three other trains load and unload. She called her mom twice and she assured her that her father knew when and where he was supposed to pick her up.

When she hung up with her mom it started to rain, "great" she said to herself as she walked quickly to the cover of the main building. Could this day get any worse?

She sat down on a bench and sighed, she was on the verge of tears. But she was not going to just sit and cry on a bench in a train station. She looked up when she heard a voice calling her name.

A thin brunette with an umbrella was walking towards her quickly; it was her father's girlfriend, Audrey. She smiled, "hey Paige, good to see you!"

Paige stood and hugged her uncomfortably, "so…where's my dad?" she asked

"Oh he had meetings, so he called me to come get you, sorry I'm late"

"Typical" Paige thought, but she smiled, "oh it's no problem"

As they walked to the car Audrey told her, "I have to take you straight home because I've got to get back to work, I'm on my break"

"Yeah, no problem" Paige nodded as she climbed in the front seat.

All the way to her dad's Audrey kept trying to make conversation. Paige was trying her best to just be polite an answer her. It was all she could do but to scream at her, she hadn't seen this woman for more than like a total of 12 hours in her whole life. And the last time she spoke to her she was in grade 7.

They pulled up in front of the house and Audrey let Paige in. she showed her where the phone numbers were and told her to "make herself at home" then she scurried off to work.

"Home," Paige thought, "this place isn't even close"

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A few hours later, Paige was sitting on the couch watching TV when she heard the front door open. Her dad walked in and just headed straight for his bedroom. Paige turned around and caught his attention, "hey dad" she said meekly.

"Oh, Paige" he sounded surprised, "hi honey, how are you?" he walked over and kissed her head. "Wow, you're all grown up" he smiled. Then he went back to what he was doing.

Paige thought she was going to be sick, she hadn't seen her father in more than three years. And that was all he had to say. She got up and followed him, "so dad, you know I was wondering if maybe we could all go out to dinner tonight?" although she detested her father, and dreaded being here, she wanted to make the best of it.

"Oh, sorry I can't. I have a dinner meeting, I just came home to grab these," he said holding up some papers, "but Audrey will be home soon, you should order a pizza or something. Have a good night!" and he just walked back out the door.  

Paige just rolled her eyes and went to the guest room where she was staying. She threw herself on the bed and put a pillow over her face and screamed, as loud as she could. To try and get out all the frustration just being in his house caused. She put the pillow down and stared blankly at the ceiling.

"Paige?" a tiny voice said. She sat up and saw her baby brother standing in the doorway. With his blonde hair and chubby cheeks, smiling widely. "You wanna pway wif me?" he asked sweetly

"No Nicky, not right now ok?"

"Pwease Paige?" he begged, "I wanna ride my bike"

"Later" she said harshly

"Paige! I wanna play now!!" he screamed at her

"Go away Nick! I don't want to play now!" she picked up her pillow and threw it at him, he scampered away

She laid back down on the bed and tried her best to sleep

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Monday at lunch Jimmy and Craig were sitting at a table outside. Ashley and Hazel walked up to join them. Ash could finally stand Craig long enough to sit at the same table with him, but that didn't mean she would talk to him.

A few minutes later, Spinner walked up and sat down, "ok does anyone know where Paige is? I called her like so many times last night, and this morning. Is she sick or something?"

Jimmy laughed, "wow, aren't you a great boyfriend"

He made a face at Jimmy and turned back to everyone else, "seriously you guys"

Hazel took a sip of her soda, "she went to her dad's, and she'll be back tomorrow"

"Are you serious?" Ashley asked sounding shocked, "why?"

Hazel shrugged, "I don't know, I didn't talk to her long, it was something about her mom going out of town, so she's staying with her dad"

"Was it her choice? Or did her mom send her?" Ashley asked," I doubt Paige volunteered for time with her dad" she answered herself

"Well I think it might be good," Hazel said, "It isn't fair that she never sees her brother"

"She sees Dylan all the time" Spinner said, "…wait, Dylan went to his dads?!" everyone looked shocked at this thought.

"No not Dylan" Hazel said picking at her salad, "her little brother, Nick"

When Hazel said that Spinner almost started choking, and Ashley's eyes were bugging out of her head. Hazel looked at them confused; and Spinner, Ashley, and Jimmy exchanged looks.

After an uncomfortable silence Ashley cleared her throat, "um Hazel," she swallowed hard, "Paige's little brother, he um, he-he died, when he was six"

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REVIEW PLEEEASE!


	6. What Really Happened

A/N: hey my wonderful readers! Yes I realize its been quite awhile since my last update but ive been on vacation, I started having Degrassi withdrawls after a few days…it was very sad. Ok, anyways, thanks as always for reviewing…but I think I confused some people with the last chapter, hopefully after this one it will make more sense, but if not I'll be sure to clear it up

Disclaimer: Aw suck, I don't own Degrassi…too bad. But I do however own Nick, Dimitri, Paige's dad (ill give him a name someday I swear), and technically Anya (Paige's mom) since she's only been mentioned on the show.

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Last Time… 

"No not Dylan" Hazel said picking at her salad, "her little brother, Nick"

When Hazel said that Spinner almost started choking, and Ashley's eyes were bugging out of her head. Hazel looked at them confused; and Spinner, Ashley, and Jimmy exchanged looks.

After an uncomfortable silence Ashley cleared her throat, "um Hazel," she swallowed hard, "Paige's little brother, he um, he-he died, when he was six"

And Now… 

Hazel looked extremely confused, "really? What happened?"

Ashley, Spinner, and Jimmy looked at each other, silently deciding who would explain what happened all those years ago. Ashley decided to tell her, "um, alright Paige is going to kill me for telling you this but…ok, when we were in grade four, Paige's dad bought all the kids new bikes for Christmas." She stopped for a moment, "and they were out riding them with her dad and Nick got hit by a car" when she had finished her sentence Ashley sat silent

Spinner continued, "no one knows what really happened, 'cause no one talks about it…ever"

"After Nicky died her parents started fighting, like a lot" Ashley told her, "one night he just left. Her mom like lost it, and she went to the Ukraine to see her mom. Dylan and Paige lived with me and mom for about a month. When she came home she brought Dimitri back with her, and I guess the rest is history"

Jimmy decided to speak up, "by the time grade five started she had become…well, the Paige we all know and love" he said half smiling

"You know how I feel about Paige, but before that…she was a different person," Spinner admitted

"So, how did you even find out about Nick?" Ashley asked Hazel

Hazel had suddenly lost her normally bubbly personality, she was a little scared by this new information, "um, I found a picture, in- in her room. I asked her who he was, she told me he lived with her dad" she could barely get the words out. Knowing all that had happened to her best friend had really shaken her.

Craig looked around the table at his friends, Hazel was looking at her lap, Jimmy tried to divert his attention elsewhere. Ashley looked very deep in thought; she was obviously trying to process everything. He looked across the table at Spinner, who had this look in his eyes that you could only describe as worry. Craig had no idea that Paige had been through so much…maybe she had a reason to act like such a brat.

The silence at the lunch table was broken when they heard Spinner's cell phone vibrating against something in his backpack. He looked around for Radditch or Mrs. Kwan, and when he didn't see them he quickly dug around for the phone and discreetly answered it, "hello" he almost whispered

"Spin?" he heard the familiar voice ask, "it's Paige"

He looked at his friends and mouthed the same thing

"I'm on the train home right now" she told him, then she put on a whiny baby voice, "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you I was leaving, but I was kind of in a rush to leave, are you mad?" he could tell she was pouting

"No honeybee, it's fine, Hazel told me where you went, so how was your trip?" he asked

Paige groaned, "awful…how bout we go out tonight and I'll tell you all about it?"

"Sure, that would be great"

"Ok well I'll let you go now, call me when you get home from school ok?"

He told her that he would and after a quick goodbye he hung up his phone and stuffed it back in his book bag.

Ashley quickly turned to him, "how is she? Is she ok?"

"Yeah, she sounded fine actually," spinner said surprised, "she sounded more than fine, she sounded happy"

"Happy?" Ashley made a face, "after seeing her dad?"

Spinner just nodded, this couldn't be good. Paige usually went nuts at the mention of her father, acting the complete opposite couldn't be good.

Not good at all

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Hmm…this chapter was a little odd…I'm not really sure if I like it…it was the only way I knew how to tell the story of Paige's parents and what happened to Nick

Now that I think about it, most of it is irrelevant to where this story is headed…oh well

Review and maybe Shane Kippel will cut his hair, ::shudders::


	7. Will I Get Better?

A/N: howdy doody people! I only got 2 reviews for the last chap :( (a big thanks to you two by the way) well It wasn't that much anyway…I think its cuz Kim is outta town, anyways…I think its really really gonna go somewhere from this chap on…oh and if any of you are Dawson's Creek watchers you might find this plot similar to the episode "Reunited" well, that's cuz its where I got the idea…

Oh, and i'm not sending Jimmy to basketball camp, it ruins my whole plot

Ok yeah, the story…

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It was Wednesday, and there were only two days left in the school year. And in two days, Dean would have been gone for a week. Despite the way she acted Paige wasn't doing any better. She still saw Dean everywhere, and now she wasn't sleeping.

She was putting away her books before lunch when Spinner came up behind her and tickled her sides like he did almost everyday. She jumped about a mile into the air and then ripped his hands off her, "quit it Spin!" she said harshly without even turning around

"Woah" spinner said, "backing up now" he took a couple steps away from her

She sighed and turned towards him, "i'm sorry spin, lately I've just been a little-"

"Edgy?" he finished for her

She slammed her locker, "wow, thanks Spinner" she rolled her eyes and walked away. Normally he would have definitely chased after her, but he was a little scared of her at this moment.

Paige huffed down the hallway unsure of where she was even going. Spin was right, she was really edgy, and she had no idea why. Actually she was really jumpy too, and kind of paranoid. On her pointless walk she passed by a familiar door, one she hadn't entered in awhile, she turned and opened the door.

Ms. Souvez stood up from her desk, "Paige? Wow, haven't seen you in awhile. So why are you here? We don't have an appointment"

Paige didn't even speak; she just rushed over to the chair where she normally sat. Ms. Souvez got the hint and sat back down.

Paige then went on to tell Ms. Souvez about Dean's accident, her episodes with seeing him, her nightmares, her temper and everything else that seemed to be going on lately.

"Well Paige, I think that you're experiencing complicated grief." Ms. Souvez explained

"And what does that mean?" Paige asked her

"Well it's a kind of anxiety that occurs when someone loses a loved one"

"Dean was not a loved one" Paige snapped

"I know Paige, but his death has upset you a great deal, right?"

Paige nodded, and the bell rang

"Well you need to get to class, I realize school is almost over, but you have my home number so I want you to call me if anything gets worse alright?"

"Thank you" Paige said quietly, she turned to leave, but changed her mind, "Ms. Souvez? Am I ever going to get better?"

She smiled, "Yes, we'll get there, I promise"

###

For the next few weeks Paige tried her best to get things back to normal. She went to the year-end dance and despite all the things that went wrong she had the best time she'd had in awhile. When she was dancing with Spin outside the school with the fire trucks all around she completely forgot that she might very well be losing her mind.

So one Saturday morning she woke up around noon to the sound of her cell phone ringing. It sounded like it was coming from under the bed. She flung herself over the side of her bed and popped her head under; she saw her purse halfway under it. She reached her hand out as far as she could and she couldn't reach. She tried one more time and obviously over-extended herself and flipped off the bed and landed loudly on the floor. After her fall, she was definitely awake, she grabbed the purse and caught her phone just in time, "Hello" she laughed silently as Dylan flung open her bedroom door. He had obviously heard her little slip, she motioned to him that she was fine.

"Paige, it's Spin"

"Oh hey Hon" she said cheerfully

"Did I wake you up?" he asked

"No, I've been up for hours. Like i'm that lazy?"

"So point is, Jimmy's havin a huge party tonight, you wanna go?"

"Definitely" she said immediately getting up off the floor and running to her closet for something to wear

"I thought maybe I'd come get you a little early and we can take a long walk"

She smiled, "sure, sounds great"

"Ok I'll see you at 8 then"

"Bye Spin"

After she had hung up the phone she proceeded to tear her room apart for something to wear.

###

at 7:45 Paige emerged from her room in a shiny blue tank top, and some tight dark wash jeans. Her hair and makeup were flawless; Paige Michalchuk took parties or any social events very seriously. She had a reputation to uphold.

She came into the kitchen, her mother was unloading the dishwasher, Dimitri was scooping ice cream into bowls and Dylan appeared to be daydreaming at the kitchen table. When he saw her he whistled

She smiled, "thanks Dyl"

Her step dad turned around and asked, "Would you like some ice cream Paige?"

"No thanks" she said, "I'm on my way out actually"

Her mother put the last stack of plates in the cabinet and turned towards her daughter, "oh really? And where are you going?"

"Just to Jimmy's for a little while" she said acting as if it was no big deal. But really it was the biggest deal; it was Jimmy's first party of the summer and from what Hazel had told her earlier that afternoon, the best one of the summer.

"I expect you home by one, and Hazel can spend the night if she wants to" just then the doorbell rang

"That's Spin, I'm outta here" Paige said turning towards the door

"Have fun! And behave yourself!" her mother called from the kitchen

Paige walked quickly toward the door and opened it to see Spinner standing on her steps; he looked up from his feet and at her, his mouth dropped when he saw her. "Wow, Paige you look…really good"

She smiled and kissed his cheek, "thank you" she closed the front door behind her, "now let's get out of here"

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aww, I feel bad, I intended on having the party in this chap but my brain went a little overboard so it will have to wait til tomorrow…

oh and I got a review when writing this from **Sh0rTy003**, and it was the best one ive ever read, haha so thanks for that

Review!! It makes me write faster…like on Mario when you eat stars and it plays that music and you can run like really fast


	8. Her Miracle Worker

A/N: omg, no time for my rambling, I've been waiting to write this chapter since I started this story.

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Spinner and Paige walked down her street silently. Sometimes, they didn't need to talk; just being with each other was enough.

He reached over and laced his fingers through hers. She smiled shyly and looked down at the ground. Spinner made her feel like a little girl again. But in a good way, he made her feel…innocent.

She loved feeling like that

In the middle of their walk Spinner stopped and Paige looked at him, eyebrows raised. He turned so he was facing her and he picked up both of her hands, "Paige, did you know that as of yesterday we've been together for a year?"

Paige's face fell, she had completely forgotten.

"Its ok if you didn't remember, 'cause I know you've had a lot going on, but anyway, I got you something" he let go of her hands and began digging in his pockets. He apparently couldn't find what he was looking for, Paige smiled, this was so like him, to forget which pocket he hid her present in.

He finally retrieved a little gray box and handed it to her. She opened it up and inside was a silver necklace with a heart pendant that had a tiny pink diamond on the side. She looked up at him and smiled widely, "Hon, its beautiful! Thank you!" she got on her tiptoes and kissed him sweetly.

Spinner excitedly clasped it around her neck, then he took her hand again and they continued walking.

They turned the corner and onto the street that led to Jimmy's. Paige looked up at her boyfriend, her messy, goofy boyfriend. Sure, Spinner was kind of a jerk sometimes, and he was gross almost all the time. But at times like this, when it was just the two of them…he couldn't be more perfect.

But when she looked harder she could tell he was thinking very hard. He kept looking at her and then back ahead of him, and his hand was shaking a little. He pursed his lips and kind of nodded and then he blurted, "Paige?"

She smiled, "yeah Spin?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but obviously decided against it, "Never mind, I forgot" then he hung his head, unbelieving that he had chickened out.

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When they got to Jimmy's Paige couldn't believe the number of people crammed into the penthouse apartment. Most of them didn't even go to Degrassi, but like Hazel had said, this party was a big deal. Paige spotted Hazel in the corner talking to some girls from another school, she yelled in Spinner's ear that she was going over and he yelled back to have fun.

A little later, Paige was on the couch, sitting on Spinners lap while she tried her best to listen to the conversation Hazel and some girl from Bardell were having. She gave up on listening and leaned back against Spinner, he rested his head on her shoulder, "you havin' fun?" he asked loudly in her ear.

She nodded, but it was a lie. She lived for parties like this…most of the time. But tonight she wasn't feeling it for some reason. She looked around at all the strangers, drinking their alcohol and dancing to the extremely loud techno music that was blasting out of Jimmy's stereo. There were a lot of people here, a lot. Paige started feeling dizzy, like the room was closing in on her.

"Spin? I'll-I'll be right back ok?"

She pushed her way past all the people and made her way towards Jimmy's back hallway. There weren't many people back there, but she did she a girl who was very drunk drag some guy into a bedroom. She leaned against the wall, and tried her best to just breathe. The space in the hall was nice, there seemed to be more air.

She closed her eyes and put her head back against the wall. She opened them and exhaled deeply, but she gasped when she saw a shadowy figure in the doorway in front of her. They walked towards her, "who is that?" she asked shakily

He stepped forward, into the light of the hallway, "Hey Spirit" he said, just like it sounded in her nightmares.

Paige couldn't breathe; she blinked several times, hoping he would disappear. When she opened them the last time he was standing closer. She looked up at his eyes, they were still as intense and frightening as they were the night he attacked her, the same eyes she saw wheeled out of the ambulance.

"So Spirit, you wanna have some more fun tonight?" he growled right next to her ear

"Dean, go away! You're not real!" she screamed and she tried to push him off of her, but he was stronger. "Go away! You're not real! You're dead! I saw you!" she was in tears now

"That's what you think Spirit" he leaned down and kissed her, hard. And she closed her eyes screamed so loud her head started to pound. When she opened her eyes there was no one there. But she had felt him, he was there.

She started shaking and she suddenly felt really dirty, she needed to get clean as soon as possible. She ran into the bathroom and turned the knobs on the shower as fast as she could. She climbed into the bathtub and sat down on the slippery bottom. She leaned against the wall and let the icy water cleanse her. She rubbed her eyes one last time to make sure all this was real.

No one knows how long she sat there, soaking wet in Jimmy's bathtub, unmoving, while warm tears ran down her cheeks.

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Spinner had gotten lost in his conversation with Jimmy that he almost forgot that Paige had left. When he remembered that she said she'd "be right back" quite awhile before, he decided to look for her. He scanned the room and she was nowhere in sight. He made his way to the hallway in the back of the apartment and he saw the bathroom door was cracked open, the lights weren't on, but it sounded like the shower was running. His first thought was that someone was doing something freaky in Jimmy's bathroom. But then he heard tiny whimpers, although it was especially loud at the party, he recognized the sound.

He opened the door and slowly approached the shower, he slid open the door and saw her. She was curled up in the corner, her clothes completely drenched, her hair was stuck to her face and her makeup was running off her cheeks in rivers.

He kneeled down next to the tub, "Paige? What happened?" he moved her wet hair out of her face, "what's wrong?"

When he touched her face she snapped out of whatever universe she was trapped in, she shrieked loudly, then turned to see Spinner. She immediately lost whatever slight control she had over herself and started bawling, "Spinner I saw Dean! He was here! I saw him and he kissed me!" she continued to ramble

Spinner knew for a fact that Dean was dead; he'd seen the obituary in the newspaper. There was no way that he could be at this party. Something was definitely wrong with Paige.

He was panicking on the inside but he was trying his best to be calm. "Paige, I will be right back ok? Don't go anywhere alright?"

She nodded furiously as he reached over and shut off the freezing water. He ran out of the bathroom and back to the party, he spotted Jimmy dancing with Hazel in the middle of the living room. He pushed through all the people and grabbed Jimmy's shoulder. "Jimmy! Something's really wrong with Paige, you need to send everyone home"

Hazel looked a little worried but Jimmy didn't think twice, "no way, I am not sending anyone anywhere man" he just smiled and continued to dance.

Spinner grabbed him, "I'm serious man, get everyone out of here, Now!!"

Jimmy could see from the look in Spinner's eyes that he wasn't kidding. He sighed heavily and switched off the stereo, he jumped up on the couch and announced, "Party's over! Everyone go home!"

Everyone laughed and continued what they were doing, Spinner knew how to get them out, "the cops are coming!" he yelled and everyone grabbed their stuff and pushed past each other for the door.

When the crowd was gone Jimmy looked at Spinner, "ok so what the hell is wrong with Paige? And this better be serious"

"She's in the bathroom" he called walking towards the hallway, Hazel followed him closely. Jimmy was beyond pissed; Paige had better be dying because his "party of the year" was over by 9:30.

When they got in the bathroom Paige was still in the tub, she had her knees to her chest and she was shivering. "Oh my God Paige!" Hazel shrieked and ran up next to the bathtub, "how long was she in here?" she asked Spinner.

"I have no idea, I found her like this, in the shower with the water on ice cold."

Hazel grabbed a towel off the rack and wrapped around Paige who other than her purple lips that were furiously quivering, she wasn't moving at all. Spinner snapped his fingers in front of her face and she didn't respond.

Jimmy was leaning against the doorframe, "what's wrong with her"

"I don't know, maybe she's in shock or something" Hazel said panicky

Paige could see her friends crowded around her, and she heard what they were saying. She wanted to tell them that Dean was here, but she couldn't move. She tried to scream, but she was stuck.

"Spinner, what did she tell you? Why is she like this?" Hazel begged

"She said something about seeing Dean"

Paige was nodding slightly, "Dean? Paige is that it? You saw Dean?" Hazel asked slowly

Paige tried again to scream, and she this time she broke out of her box that was trapping her. She immediately burst into tears, "yes! I saw dean! He was here!" and then she completely lost it.

Hazel stood up, "Jimmy clean this place up, I'm calling her mom" she turned to Spinner "don't leave her ok?"

He nodded and sat on the edge of the tub, Paige grabbed his leg tightly and continued to sob. Her lips were still purple, Spinner grabbed another towel and helped her stand up, her knees were really shaky so he picked her up and sat down on the cold tile floor. He leaned back against the cabinets and held Paige close. She was clinging to him for dear life and sobbing against his neck.

He looked down at her; he had never seen Paige like this. She was a complete mess. Whatever she had seen that night, had really messed her up. This was so unfair, hadn't Dean done enough already?

###

Spinner walked out of Jimmy's bedroom and quietly closed the door. He walked out to the living room where Jimmy and Hazel were picking up trash. "She's asleep" he announced, his voice was dull, defeated, "did you get a hold of her mom?"

Hazel shook her head, "Dylan said she was gone to the store, and she didn't bring her cell phone. He said he'd send her over as soon as he could"

"Can I help?" Spinner asked Jimmy quietly, he handed him a broom. "Look dude, I'm sorry about your party"

"No, no, it's fine" Jimmy kept his eyes on the floor, "I just want Paige to be ok"

He almost whispered, "me too" he put down the broom and turned his head away from his friends, "I'm-uh, I'm gonna go check on her" he walked quickly to the bedroom, trying his best to hide the tears that were forming in his eyes.

Once he was inside the dark room, and the door was shut he lost all control. He leaned back against the door and his knees gave way and he slid down onto the floor. Then, he cried; he cried for a long time.

Something was really wrong with Paige, and for once, her "miracle worker" couldn't fix it

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holy frijoles that was so much longer than I thought it would be, but like I said, this chap was the whole reason I started this dern story

ok, ive been told like 4 different ways to spell the guidance counselor's name...now since i dont know who is right, and im waaay to lazy to go back and change anything, its stayin the way it is...but thanks everyone for "correcting" me...i wouldnt wanna be spelling things waay off

all your reviews go straight to Spinner's Kleenex fund


	9. No Stability

A/N: hello my lovely readers. I realize I haven't updated in let's see…oh yeah, forever. But you know how life gets sometimes…busy. But I really feel like doin some writing, so on with this story.

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Hazel and Jimmy were sitting on Jimmy's couch, the apartment was finally clean, they were just waiting for Paige's mother, Mrs. Barish to come. Neither one of them were saying anything to each other. Just sitting quietly, both of their minds running all over the place.

It wasn't everyday that a friend is hallucinating about her dead rapist at a party, and then having a breakdown in the bathtub. There weren't exactly book on how to deal with stuff like that.

Neither one of them wanted to admit how scared they were. They tried to be strong for each other, and strong for Paige. But Spinner wasn't afraid to admit that he was completely freaking out. He was still in Jimmy's room, carefully watching Paige sleep. Jimmy would never mention that he had heard him crying before, he didn't blame him for getting so upset, this was probably one of the scariest things that had ever happened to any of them.

Just then, there was a frantic banging on Jimmy's front door that caused him and Hazel to jump about a foot in the air. Jimmy jumped up and sprinted to the door. He flung it open and a frazzled Mrs. Barish was standing there. She rushed in past jimmy, "where is she? What's wrong? Where's my Paigey?"

Jimmy tried to keep her calm, "she's in my room with Spinner, I think she had a little breakdown." He motioned towards the hallway, "it's this way, let me show you"

He led her down the hall, and she seemed very shaken. She turned the knob and entered the bedroom it was very dark inside. In front of her there was a queen size bed with a dark blue comforter. On the left side Paige was tucked tightly under the covers, her hair was wet, and she was wearing a large basketball jersey. On the right side, Spinner was laying on top of the sheets on his side, staring at Paige. He moved the wet blonde strands out of her face. She mumbled and scooted herself closer to him. Anya could just see that something was very wrong, she was so pale, and something about the way Spinner was looking at her, he seemed afraid to touch her, like she might break if he did.

"Paige" she said quietly

Spinner turned and saw her in the doorway; he was too focused on Paige to even hear her come in. Paige didn't open her eyes, she only stirred a little.

"Mommy?" her voice sounded so weak, and defeated…so unlike Paige.

Mrs. Barish rushed to the side of the bed. She ran her hands over Paige's forehead and whispered in Russian, "My baby, what happened to you?"

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On Monday afternoon there was a knock at Paige's front door. Dylan answered it to find Spinner standing on the front step.

"Hey, is Paige home?" he asked

"Uh sure, she's in the kitchen doing chores" Dylan said opening the door wider to let Spinner in.

He came around the corner to see Paige in her plaid pajama pants and a gray tank top, her hair was pulled back all messy, she even had her glasses on. He smiled, he liked the lazy Paige, the Paige who skipped school today and didn't exactly look like she was ready to hit the town.

He slowly entered, knocking on the wall to get her attention. He hadn't seen or talked to Paige since Saturday night, when he'd carried her to her mom's car. He was almost afraid to see her now, he was almost afraid of her for some reason.

She looked up from the glasses she was putting in the cabinet and when she saw him she smiled, then frowned when she realized what she looked like.

Spinner cautiously approached her and kissed her cheek, "hey honeybee, how are you feeling today?"

"Just fine thanks" she replied cheerfully, she pulled a few plates out of the dishwasher, "while you're here, would you mind making yourself useful?" she said placing the stack in his hands.

Spinner took the plates across the kitchen and placed them on the counter, "so um…" he wanted to ask what had really happened on Saturday, but he didn't know how to ask.

Luckily, Paige knew her boyfriend really well, "On Saturday I basically had a nervous breakdown. All my stress had piled up, and then it came to a breaking point." She started putting the forks in the silverware drawer, "I'm going to start seeing a grief counselor to deal with everything."

Spinner started to get concerned with her nonchalant attitude, she spoke like everything was perfectly normal, and nothing special was going on with her.

Spin grabbed some bowls, "So you're sure you're ok?"

"Of course I am" she said, her back to him

Spinner came up behind her, and put his hand gently on her shoulder " 'Cause you know, its ok if you're not"

She placed her hand over his, "Yeah, I know," she said quietly

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ok I realize that was kind of a pointless chapter, but I promise next chapter, all the doodie is gonna hit the fan…big time

I can't wait

Review puhleeeeze!


	10. Let It All Out

A/N: hey everyone, thanks so much for the reviews, I'm glad that everyone hasn't completely forgotten that I exist. Just a side note, like ive said before this all may sound like an episode of Dawson's Creek, and I just had to steal the ideas, it was all too good.

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"So Paige, we've been making a lot of progress these past few weeks on the subject of Dean, but I'd really like to start talking about your family." Ms. Hannah Gracey said from behind a notebook and thick glasses.

Paige shifted in her chair; her eyes quickly darted around the room. It was a small office, light green walls, paintings of meadows, but there were no people in the pictures. Probably because the people in here can't deal with death, and a painting of happy people might make things worse. "Ok, what about them?" she replied in a famous Paige way, act like nothing is wrong and dance around what they really want to know.

"Tell me about your mother" Hannah said

"Well, mom is great. She was really supportive through everything with Dean." Paige replied, her defenses still up

"Now, were you two always close?"

"No" Paige replied meekly, "Can we talk about something else?"

"Fine" Hannah sighed, "Your brother Dylan, how is your relationship with him?"

"Me and Dylan have been really close since we were really little. We always had each other when Mom and…"when she realized she was actually opening up, she stopped talking and slumped down in her chair.

Hannah took off her glasses and leaned over closer to Paige, "alright, Paige I need you to understand that if you don't start telling me what's on your mind we won't be able to work through everything. I know you don't like being here, but I promise you'll be here a lot more if we don't solve this and you have another breakdown. You know I wouldn't pressure you so much if you weren't ready to talk, but I know you are. I can see it." Paige turned her eyes to the opposite wall, "you don't have to put up a front with me Paige, I won't tell anyone what you say in here, you know that."

Paige sighed heavily; unfortunately Hannah was right, "ok, what do you want to know now?"

"Your father," Hannah began

"I don't have one" Paige snapped back

"Paige, everyone in the world has a father, now whether he's a good father or not…"

"Then he's not a good father"

"Why is that Paige? What makes him a bad father? Did he hit you, or your mother? Did he drink?"

Paige was so desperate to stop the questions she didn't bother to dance around the subject anymore, " It's his fault that my brother is dead ok?!"

Ms. Gracey sat back in her seat, thrilled to pieces that she had finally broken Paige, "what happened to your brother Paige?" she asked calmly

"He got hit by a car," Tears were welling up in Paige's eyes, she didn't know how long it had been since she'd had to tell this story. She'd lied to Hazel a few weeks before when she asked about him. "When I was nine, my dad bought all of us bikes for Christmas. He hadn't been around much that year, so I guess he was just making it up to us or something. Mom made Nicky take a nap, and while he was sleeping me and Dylan took our new bikes out. When we got back Nick was awake and he wanted to ride his bike too." Paige took a second to wipe her eyes and compose herself, "No one would take him, me and Dylan had run off to our rooms to play with our new toys, mom was making dinner, dad wasn't doing much, just watching some game on TV. No one was paying attention when he just took the bike out of the garage and left. About 30 minutes later we got a phone call from the police saying he had been hit by a car a few blocks away."

Hannah sat quietly for a minute while Paige sniffled in her chair, "how old was he?" she asked

"Six!" Paige shouted, her voice was shaky and angry, "he was only six years old! And we weren't watching him! I didn't have to play with my toys that very second, dad could've taken him during a commercial! Mom- mom she…" Paige couldn't finish she just cried

"Your whole family blames themselves for Nick's death don't they?"

Paige just nodded and reached for a tissue off the desk.

Ms. Gracey took one look at Paige and decided that it had been enough for one day, "ok Paige, you can go home now, I think we've covered enough for today."

"No" Paige said quickly, but quietly, "I'm open now, I don't know if I will be next week…I want to finish this now."

Hannah got comfortable, "alright Paige, go ahead…let everything out."

"Mom's always been so mad that dad left after Nicky died, but she left too. she just left me and Dylan with the Kerwin's, we would've gone with her, we wanted to go with her! And then she comes home with a new dad for us. I didn't want a new dad!" Paige sobbed, "I didn't need a new dad! I just wanted my dad to come home!"

"Spin, are you busy?" Paige said into the receiver of her cell phone

"Uh, no" her boyfriend responded nonchalantly

"Good you're coming over," she commanded, and she hung up before he even had a chance to protest.

About 15 minutes later Spinner was at Paige's doorstep, still in his work uniform. Paige flung open the door and yanked him inside sooner than he could even knock. She slammed him up against the door and kissed him, hard.

Spinner pulled away, "now honeybee, you know I appreciate this but uh…what's the occasion?"

"Bad day at counseling," she kissed him again, "don't wanna talk about it"

Spinner knew Paige was known to make crappy decisions when she was upset, and he wasn't going to let her do something she'd be mad at him tomorrow for. "Ok, how about you calm down a little bit, we can watch a movie or something, anyone you want."

She sighed, "fine"

---

About halfway into the movie, Paige and Spin were cuddled up on her bed, eyes intently focused on the TV screen. Spinner reached to his left for the popcorn bowl, only to discover it empty. "Looks like we're outta popcorn" he said

Paige perked up, "oh Hon I'll get you some more." She jumped off the bed and headed downstairs. Dimitri and her mom had gone out to a hockey game a few towns away and decided to say the night. Dylan had gone to some party, and the house looked kind of deserted.

She walked into the kitchen and grabbed another package of microwave popcorn out of the pantry. She threw it in the microwave and pushed a couple of buttons. She turned around to find a sweet blond kid reaching for a glass on a high shelf. She smiled and walked to the other side of the kitchen, she grabbed the glass and put it on the counter, "there you go Nicky"

He took the glass and grinned at her, "thank you Paigey."

She went back to the popcorn, and he continued to talk.

"I'm glad you didn't tell that lady about me today. I don't like her very much."

---

Upstairs Spinner had remembered that he wanted a soda, he stared to call Paige, but decided against making her wait on him and thought he'd get one himself.

He started down the stairs and he heard Paige talking to someone, but he couldn't hear what she was saying. He didn't hear the phone ring, so she must have called someone.

He got closer and he heard her say, "You know I would never tell anyone about you. They wouldn't let me see you anymore, and you know I couldn't do that."

Was she talking to some other guy? Spinner suddenly felt a surge of rage flow through his body at the thought of Paige with someone else. He stormed into the kitchen, "Paige, who the hell are you talking to?"

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ok so It didn't all explode yet…next time though I promise

review please!!


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